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Cockpit Dialog
Standing behind Joker and waiting 10 seconds will trigger additional dialog. Joker will make a random comment about the running of the ship followed by a set of 3 comical comments during each visit if you wait long enough. You must leave the deck to unlock the next set of comments:
* "Mark on two. Clear."'
* "How 'bout that local sports team, huh?
* "Sometimes I get the urge to turn off the internal compensators and pull a Crazy Ivan, you know?"
* "You know what pisses me off? Calling this the cockpit. Alliance ships have bridges. Asari ships have cockpits. Oh wait. No they don't."
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* "Op-check is clean."
* "I was thinking of installing some lava lamps. Maybe Christmas lights for ambiance? What do you think?"
* "It takes skill to make a ship bank in a vacuum. Don't think it doesn't."
* "I've been thinking about taking up bullfighting. What do you think?"
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* "Minor spike in the primary core. Compensating."
* "You know what I could go for right now? A hamburger. Not vat-grown. An honest-to-god dead cow. With horseradish."
* "I gotta hit the head, Commander. We done for now, or do I have to use the bottle I keep under here?"
* "I thought my mom was bad with the backseat driving."
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* "Trimming compensators. Decimal one-two."
* "Man, what I wouldn't give to go planetside. Wading through muck, getting shot in the face. Man, that is the life."
* "Commander, can I get a mirror up here? You know, so I can see when someone is standing behind me?"
* "Take a holo, it'll last longer."
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* "I swear we got some lateral drift. The old Normandy never had that."
* "Ah, the great endless expanse of space. Creeps the hell out of me."
* "Cerberus... three-headed dog... How come it's led by only one guy?"
* "Yeah, this is 98 percent of my job. I just watch buttons flash. Sometimes I press one."
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* "Ever think we'd be working for the bad guys?"
* "Was that button...? Nah."
* "Ba da ba ba ba na..." (jazz scatting)
Zie onderaan
* (Sound of woman gasping in a porn scene.) "Uh, sorry. That was supposed to go to my earpiece."
Zie onderaan
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* "Primary systems clear."
* "You want luck on your side? Never wash your hat. Dad told me that. I think."
* "Pew pew pew." (Making sounds of laser battle) "Yeah."
Zie onderaan
* (sigh) "External camera's got a thumbprint on it. That is gonna bug me forever."
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* "Upgrades are messing with our inertial skew. Compensating."
* "We need a deflector dish so I can realign that mother."
* "Aero-gel displays and optical solid-state... Man, it's all so primitive. I can hardly wait for the future."
* "You look out there and it's just like... There's all this... it's like... you know?"
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* "Retrofits are always a pain in the ass."
* "Is there a problem with the... no, that's good too. Aaaand, still good."
* "So, come here too often?"
* "The Illusive Man has some crazy-looking eyes for a guy trying to lay low."
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* "Got some pressure loss in the number-four hydrogen tank. Lock it down, EDI."
* "Pbbbbhh." (humming and sputtering)
* "Glad to be out of those Alliance-issue starch shorts. Took a year to lose my callus."
* "Two years and everything hits the crapper. Teach you to die on me."
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* "EDI, we've got venting from the number 16 lithium heat sink."
* (sigh) "If Mom could see me now, we'd have zombies on top of everything else."
* "Why is it always claw and guns? Why can't we piss off a fuzzy planet? Still dangerous, but hey, bunnies."
* "Know what I hate about deep space? Crap radio stations from two centuries back. Gosh, we were idiots."
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* "Nominal to profile." (comments start repeating)'
* "EDI, Do we have a green light on that switchover?"
* ...
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